Marriage Takes Work!

So things are much better today.  Honestly if DH didn't make the initiative, I think it might be days before we speak!  I do apologize at times, but I will admit that I often feel our fights are mostly his fault.  I'm sure he would probably say the same thing.  I'm the type of person that tries to stay cool and rational during a crisis.  He on the other hand tends to have a "freak out." An example of this occurred about 5 years ago.

It was 9pm the evening before we were leaving for vacation.  I walked into the bedroom (pugs were on bed) and I began to notice that Zuzu's face seemed rounder than usual.  She also looked tired.  Upon further inspection I discovered lumps on her legs and inner thighs.  She was obviously having some sort of allergic reaction to something.  Not surprisingly DH began immediately accusing myself and my family (we had visited them that evening) of giving her something that did not agree with her. WHAT?!  When all was said and done we took her to the Vet. hospial 30mi. away (it was a long night) where it was determined that it was from a spider or insect bite.  She was fixed up and all was fine.  The point of this story was to illustrate:

1. It was not my fault.
2. Who cares if it was, our dog needed immediate help.
3. Did we really need to argue for the entire drive to the hospital?
4. Other than frightening the dog what was accomplished from all of the arguing and blame?

It leads me to believe that perhaps it is not by accident that we cannot have children.  Maybe a higher being knows that we would suck as parents.  Well, he would anyway.  Maybe we've been alone for so long that we're unaware of how selfish we've become.  I don't feel selfish.  If I were, wouldn't I stop doing all of the house work and let him live in his own filth?  Stop hang up his clothes, keeping the windows and shower clean, bathing the dogs, working hard so he can finish his degree.  I don't know.  I would probably eventually cave like I always do because I'm really the one that can't stand the mess. I'm the one who truly cares about these things.  But how thick would the soap scum on the tub have to get before he couldn't stand it? Or the urine stains on the toilet under the seat?  Or the splattered food inside of the microwave? Isn't that unsanitary?!  He's had wiskers in the sink of our downstair bathroom that I've pretended to ignore for the past 3 days.  Lots of them.  All around the bowl!  What should I do?  How long will they stay?!  What if I die and when the families come over to pay their respects they need to use that bathroom and they think to themselves, "She was a pig!"  YES!  That is it!  It is automatically blamed on the woman of the house if things are not spotless (or at least clean).  Because I am a woman I bare the burden of the way our house looks.  No one blames the man of the house.  This sucks!  And I'm away from the house at least 50hrs. a week for work.  I've got to clean the sink when I get home.