BFNs

Thank you guys for your kind words.  Also, if anyone is reading this please take a moment and stop by ttcnslc.wordpress.com. She just received a BFN on her last IVF and I think she could really use some words of encouragement.

Speaking of BFN.  I wanted to give some insight on how I named this blog.  It was definitely a combination of repressed anger and Progesterone tablets.  Again, it was after my last IVF.  I was so sick.
The doctor had called that evening with my BFN.  I was in bed that night and the DH and I were in some kind of disagreement.  Most likely him not understanding why I'd become so emotional over the fact that I'd received a BFN. At some point I began sobbing very loudly and then the screaming started. I guess I was a bit irrational.  That Progesterone can really kick my a**.  DH came over to console me as much as he could without a uterus (Can a man ever truly understand?). And then it came to me.  That same kind of unstable out of control rage that often is associated with a woman who has been wronged in some way.  And there you have it, the title of this blog.  So much anger, so much anger... But don't forget, I was also very sick. Not only did I have a fever, I also lost some of my hearing in my left ear.  I do not know what I contracted.  I strongly believe that I got it during my retrieval. Was is the Swine flu?  Who knows?  I ended up going through three courses of antibiotics and 2 courses of steroids over the following two months.  My hearing has never been resolved.  It sounds like I'm listening through a tunnel.  It has also amplified my vertigo.  Twice in the past several months I've had to put one of those patches behind my ear to help reduce any dizziness.  It usually lasts for 3 days.  If anyone out there ever gets motion sick, the patches are wonderful.   I did go to an Ear Nose and Throat specialist eventually.  After a CAT scan and an MRI I was diagnosed with "swelling and debrie in my middle ear cleft," caused from an infection.  The doctor wanted me to wait a couple of months to see if it would hopefully clear up.  It hasn't.  I go back in two weeks.