Mother to no one

I love following the winter olympics and Canada looks so beautiful. But the commercials are really starting to tick me off.  Particularly the P & G commercials.  There's one where they show all of the kids competing in the olympics.  Then they cut to a middle aged mom in the stands and they flash the words, "To their moms they'll always be kids." Then, "P & G proud sponsor of moms." Everybody loves moms.  Moms, moms, moms, enough already.  Why doesn't P & G care about me?  Who will step up and be the proud sponsor of the IF woman? Wouldn't that be a hoot! I can see it now, "Ferring Pharmaceutical proud sponsor of infertiles everywhere!"

The IF woman is forgotten by most everyone.  Many can be sympathetic in the beginning, but if you start to bring up the subject too many times they eventually turn on you.  A coworker recently confided in me that she is suffering from POF.  She is only 32.  I felt so bad for her.  Her FSH is over 100 and she's been to a doctor in NY that said that they can't do anything for her.  She's taking it really hard.  She's not married and never saw it coming.  The doctors told her that she can use donor eggs but it's too soon for her to think about that.  Her family was very supportive at first.  Then when her relatives began shoving babies at her during holiday gatherings and she wasn't in the mood they told her to, "get over it." This is nothing new. People are not sympathetic to the plight of the IF woman.

My own DH has even made questionable statements at times. The freshest one that comes to mind occurred on the day that my SIL gave birth for the second time.  AF had just arrived after my 4th failed IVF. I was crying and DH said, "It's not my sister's fault that you can't get pregnant." Those words will live in infamy.  Right along side the, "you're not really family" declaration during an argument over why he did not call the church after they refused to recognize him as a Catholic so that we could be godparents to my SIL's first born 4 1/2yrs. ago. I get why he did not want to call and argue that we were married there and that he went to school there for 13yrs.  It was all about the money. They hadn't seen our envelopes so they no longer considered him a Catholic.  They probably would've had we offered to turn in a few envelopes.  I gladly would've but he was "pissed." This was before we'd started ttc.  I wanted to ttc but DH had been injured in an accident and the time was not right.  I desperately wanted to be a godparent.  I was not raised Catholic so I had no say in the matter.  My mother was Catholic and my father was Baptist.  I was able to get married in a Catholic church because when I was an infant my mother sneaked me into the Catholic church and had me baptized.  I didn't even know that I had godparents until I was about 15. When DH's sister asked us I was so honored.  It would be the only opportunity that I'd ever have to be a godparent. DH only has one sibling and mine are not Catholic. As it turns out, DH became the godfather and SIL's friend was the godmother.  Since her friend was Catholic she "sponsored" my husband.  I became the photographer for the for the day. Snapshot after snapshot of everyone holding the baby.  At the end of the day there was not one photo of me holding that child.  I thought for sure SIL would ask me and DH to pose for a shot with the baby since we were the "preferred" godparents.  I was wrong.  No one cared.  Only me.  When I mentioned it to DH after arriving home that evening it turned into a big fight.  It had to.  I could no longer contain myself.  I blamed him for screwing things up with the church and he let me have it with the, "you're not really family anyway" line.  Words do hurt and I will never forget that.  He has since apologized and even tries to convince me that he'd never said it, but it'll always be there.  I would've been such a good godmother. At least I would've had the word "mother" in a title not associated with furry children.  I would've pampered her. We had already spent hundreds on the kid and she was only an infant.  Since that time my relationship with SIL and her children has lost it's momentum.  SIL doesn't really have a clue. And after unsuccessfully ttc I realize now that being a godmother was the only opportunity that I was going to get to be the "mother" of someone.  I can't help but question if I will ever be considered "family" to DH if we don't have a child.  There will be nothing that forever ties us together.  His aunt and uncle split up 4 yrs. ago after 34 yrs. of marriage.  They never had children.  My husband and his uncle "in-law" were very close.  Since the divorce it's as if his uncle never existed.  I don't want that to be me but I can't help but think that if we divorce there will be no one around who cares.  No one will miss me.  It sounds selfish but it's the way I'm feeling right now.  Like the lonely old lady in the nursing home that no one visits.  And it will probably be a county nursing home because all of my money went towards my DH's current college education.